28 December 2010

The Denouement of the Holiday Troika is Upon Us (this Friday)!


Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve, the big three ... er, I mean, The Big Three! This holiday troika (at least for us Yanks in America) magically assembles food, family, fond memories, and revelry into six weeks of one giant bolus of sheer deliciousness (eww?!). Man, do I love the Holidays! Admittedly, at times, for some, the big three are accompanied by a dull misery of forced affection, disappointment, close quarters with odd-job relatives, and stark, oppressive loneliness. But, mostly, I think you'd agree, when all's said and done, the Big Three are just what we usually assign to them: joy and cheer, wrapped up in a puff pastry of warm intentions, topped with a soupçon of whipped sugary nostalgia that we look forward to, or back on, with equal parts eager anticipation and longing.

Since I've been so/too busy the last year trying to see my little company succeed, I've been rightfully so/too preoccupied to give myself the requisite time that a typical (lame arse) FatScribe entry deserves. There have been so many nights that I'd kick my suede boots up onto my writing desk and just read (with jealousy and amazement) the wonderfully creative blog entries from so many of my blogger pals. There just hasn't been the time to put something down on the "new post" entry web interface that matches their efforts and skill. So many excuses, so little time.

What follows are a few CHEERS! (toasts) that I'd like to make, as well as a few snarky DYMI (Dude, you totally freakin' missed it!) comments that are long overdue. So, here goes:

* CHEERS! To my ex-wife and mother of our amazing and handsome and brilliant boys, may you be blessed beyond comprehension for all that you do for our kids. You're a great mom.
* CHEERS! To my blogger pals. I have left dozens (and dozens) of comments in 2010 at the bottom of a lot of amazing posts and pithy entries and lengthy (beautifully written) articles and (unbelievable) photos and stunning (read fattening) recipes and inspiring fashion/decor/beauty posts. God bless all of you guys in 2011! I admire so many of you from afar, and have been blessed to become friends with a goodly number of you. (Even though some of you politely put up with my conservative leanings!)

* CHEERS! President Obama, for visiting the military around the world, putting yourself in harm's way to support the men and woman of our armed forces who give their lives and sacred honor to protect us. Good on ya.

* CHEERS! The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf is a softer, hipper version of Starbucks. I've never (and I mean ever) warmed to Starbucks. Don't know what it is. Maybe it's that in almost 10 years of business consulting with legal departments, I've never gotten in to pitch to Starbucks in-house legal department up in Seattle. I got through to the General Counsel of Coffee Bean first try, probably because they're L.A.-based and a bit more laid back (and maybe, b/c they're 1/20th the size of Starbucks!). But, more importantly, I LOVE their coffee. Actually, I guess it's the Coffee Bean powder in their vanilla lattes that I prefer over the Starbucks syrup.

Many of you, Dear Reader, comment via email on the so-called "star-sightings" in L.A./Coffee Bean that I chronicle here at the ole porkster; one quick Holiday update: As I was hopping out of my black MKX, an amazing black Range Rover was pulling in next to me. The driver thought she recognized me and shot me a wonderfully flirty smile. We exchanged hello's, and then she realized as we were walking into the Coffee Bean in Calabasas (across the street from Kim Kardashian's retail store) that I was not her acquaintance. Nicolette Sheridan (from Desperate Housewives) and I shared a few moments chatting whilst we waited for our lattes to arrive. In spite of the rumors I'd read about in the Hollywood Reporter of her being "insane," I remained remarkably close to her cougar hotness the entire time. The day before I instantly recognized Brad Garrett's (Everyone Loves Raymond) deep, resonant voice in Westlake Village, where I was getting a latte for my niece and myself. Brad was with his brood and ex-wife. And, last but by far not least, I spied Ms. Minnie Driver (Good Will Hunting) in Malibu as I (and she) sat outside in the wonderful Holiday cold sipping something warm and cheery. Gotta love Coffee Bean.

Our Mother, Joan Isabelle
* CHEERS! To my family and close family friends this Holiday Season. We had an amazingly beautiful, bittersweet Christmas together this year, and a horribly sad one being our first without our mother, sister, Aunt Joanie, Grandma and dear friend. Joan Isabelle was the glue that kept us together even when we couldn't stand each other (which, thankfully, was not that often). She was our best friend and touchstone and matriarch. Gawd, I miss her so much that I can scarcely write about her. But, knowing her, she'd want us to plow ahead, even if she might not be the center of attention any longer (which she loved being). And, she was there with us, in the midst of our joy of being together. In our playing pool and X-Box 360. Sitting out back with us around the patio chimney, whilst we smoked a cigar and had a Jack-n-Coke. When Christmas Eve presents were opened by her 60 yr-old son side-by-side her great-grandson.   As a mother to eleven (yes, 11), and grandmother to 25 and great-grandmother to six, she was admired and loved and fawned over and is deservedly missed.  Love you, mom. Miss you, mom.

* CHEERS! To my business partner for his efforts in our humble little company. May he and our clients and our company be blessed in 2011 (even if I go back into consulting)!

* CHEERS! To the incoming Congress. May you clowns be better than the last clowns. You might be a bunch of clowns, er, politicians with an (R) next to your funny little names, but let's see if y'all can at least govern like you're a bunch of conservative little clowns.

And, now a few DYMIs. I say, *pace professore! With all due respect, here are a few Bronx Cheers, aka, the FatScribe DYMIs.

* "pa·ce" (pä'chā) With the permission of; with deference to. Used to express polite or ironically polite disagreement.

* DYMI President Obama, for taking a small city with him to escape mid-term election results in India, costing the taxpayers untold and unnecessary millions. 3,000 people? Really?

* DYMI Aaron Sorkin (West Wing, The Social Network) you are an amazingly talented writer/producer. But, you are nonetheless proving yourself an extremist liberal hack, and you deserve the FatScribe Bronx Cheer of the DYMI. I will watch all of the programs or films you write, but your insisting that Barrack Obama is amongst the smartest people in America is untennable. How do you know this, Aaron? If you have the president's college transcripts, please share with the rest of the class (and no, I don't want to see his birth certificate!). For some reason, even the ubiquitous (and feckless) media haven't produced these (as you would say) dispositive documents. So, please stop already. Where were you when people were picking on George W. Bush who got BETTER grades than Al Gore while he was at Harvard and Yale. Even I have an IQ higher than Al Gore, and I'm not shouting to all who will hear that George W. Bush is amongst the smartest Americans I know ...because he's not, and neither are your favorite libs, Mssrs. A. Gore and B. Obama. You, though, admittedly, are pretty damn smart.

Note to Aaron and rest of the class: Being (supposedly) articulate, or having charisma (Jon Stewart/Bill Mahr) or billions in the bank (Bill Gates/Warren Buffet/Ted Turner), does NOT mean you're amongst the smartest people in America. Just sayin'. Give me the first 500 names in the Boston phone book to run things over the Eastern establishment elitists any day of the week and twice on Sunday. (Miss you too, Bill Buckley!)

* DYMI Ricky Gervais You are an amazingly talented writer/actor. But, you are nonetheless an extremist atheist hack, and you deserve the FatScribe Bronx Cheer of the DYMI. I will watch all of the (well, most of your) programs and films you write and star in (and see the stand-up shows you put on), but your insisting that anyone who believes in God is a fool is foolish and untennable. Like Dawkins, or Hitchens, et.al., you all may be brilliant, but when 98% of the souls inhabiting the bodies on this planet believe in a higher being, you cannot truly believe that we are fools, or that you have the sole revelatory insight into the hereafter. Just sayin', brother.

Here's wishing everyone a wonderful, FatScribe Happy New Year!!!!

* Photo credit "Fountain Pen" at Athena!

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