12 December 2009

A longing fulfilled ...

"A longing fulfilled is sweet to the soul." (Proverbs 13:19) I have regularly read a proverb every day since I was in college. And because today is December 12th, I read Proverbs 12 (the entire chapter, short that they are) to kind of get my head screwed on straight for the day that was coming my way today.

Being spiritually aware or open to spiritual things is a good thing, in my humble opinion. When I was a kid, I had no religious thought. None. We never spoke about God, or the bigger picture, even though we had a family Bible on our library shelf, with its dogeared pages, and worn leather cover. My family was simply trying to get by, to survive the "here and now," pay the mortgage and make sure none of the 11 kids disappeared over the weekend to be bothered with questions of "there and then."

When I was 12 or so, my friends and I would often play poker on the weekends, and when the gods of the cards saw fit to bestow the majority of the chips to a certain lucky player (3 stacks of high society), we'd all retire outside to sit on the hoods of the cars in my driveway and stare up at the heavens and wonder if we (our collective life) weren't just a tiny speck in the molecule of a cell in the thumbnail of a giant swimming in some ocean on a planet in some far off galaxy. And, if there were worldviews held amongst us with more Western traditions, those voices remained silent during these pre-midnight jr. high bull sessions.

Since we had no direction from our parents, we sort of became a rather motley crew of agnostics not knowing what to believe. Of course, the more sophisticated amongst us pledged undying fealty to atheism and evolution (our 7th grade science teacher at A.E. Wright middle school, Mr. Kanter, would have been proud). However, I knew or felt or hoped for something more. Something that would comfort, give direction and, yes, that word again, offer hope for the future.

So, I realized today, that my deepest superficial longing in life today is to find "success" in my business life. To have something to show for all of the turmoil on this blue ball, a "wealth creating" moment as we say in business consulting. But, then I was reminded this afternoon driving around in the L.A. rain -- with cars skidding, motorcycles crashing in front of me, and ambulances aplenty -- that many men go their entire lives to finally realize that a spiritual perspective is a longing fulfilled. We struggle with this as men, to have success, to "be someone" and then realize when it's perhaps too late, that our kids just wanted to have a catch, to chat over a coffee, or to just have dad around to bless their own kids and spoil them with candy before dinner.

Life is never a dull moment, and if it ever is, God help the man who "has it all" because he'll soon be dead.

What are you longing for? A relationship? A new car? A child? An answered prayer? I hope you get it soon, Dear Reader!

11 December 2009

l.a. rain


standing outside your car, maxwell playing on the stereo, doors open, arms up, and rain on your long eyelashes. sumthin' sumthin' lashes reaching touching


sorry is not your word, moving on is your world, not looking back, save for that once upon a time story i see in your eyes. something of what could have


still see you, still see us, at the museo de espana, arms up, dancing those sevillanas, around a forgotten reflection in the plaza pool. listening to

sam cooke.